update-he still hates me. good.

so, it's been a while, and like it's said, 'no news is good news' well, not all good, of course. situations with asshole remains the same bitter and abusive exchanges.

since, August 06, the boys have been coming over to MY house to spend weekends. we have had amazing times. we've been everywhere. my house is filled with their beautiful artwork. for mothers day, my then 7 year old wrote this poem that said, 'my mom takes me where i want to go'

that is awesome. we do go so so many places, as proved by my 6000 digital pictures.

it's obvious to me and those who know me that these children are my life. they are the reason i choose not to kill myself.

my biggest lesson, PATIENCE. it's been 4 1/2 years since i walked out on that abusive fuck head and i pray for peace. he hates me. he will only communicate with me if he has the opportunity to abuse me.

a few weeks ago, i had to discuss a meeting place with him and he knew he had the opportunity to abuse me. he went on and on for 45 minutes about what a shitty person/mother i was. how i didn't care bout these boys. how he wanted court orders in his hands, after a year of doing this exhange, or he was not bringing the boys tomorrow.

i was livid. what can i do? i don't have court papers, i can't make a lawyer do them, i had already filed a bar complaint against one attorney who didn't do them. i don't fucking know. but after following the court orders for a year, i told him, you want to go into court and tell the judge you're no longer doing what he told you to do because you don't have papers?

fine. i can't wait to hear that, fine, don't bring them, i will see you in court next week.

45 minutes later he called me back saying he was going to bring them BUT BUT....with his fucking conditions. yeah sure, i said. and he said, 'don't make me change my mind.'

DON'T MAKE YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND? i repeated his sentence in my head. fuck that, i thought. hahaha i'm in control now, bastard.

'fine, don't bring them, i wanna hear you tell the judge you're not going to bring them after a year and a half of following the orders cause you don't have papers. you do what you wanna do, i'll do what i hafta do, i will be there in the morning, no matter what, thank you, good bye.'

he brought them.

i'm gonna start using this blog to talk about the sickening shit he tells our children from now on. here's one for starters: they are not allowed to refer to me as mommy in his house. they will get in trouble. they must use my full name and call his girlfriend mommy.

fucking bastard. poor kids. i told them to not defend me, i know the truth, they know the truth. just keep the peace with this asshole. it'll all work out, with PATIENCE.